What to Do When They Say No: A Nonprofit Leader’s Guide to Rejection, Resilience, and Getting to Yes
A few weeks ago, I applied to speak at a conference I truly loved. I had spoken there the year before. This year, it was in my own city. I built relationships. I followed up. I did all the “right” things.
And still… I got a no.
It stung.
Not because I believed I deserved it more than anyone else, but because rejection always carries that quiet question in the background: Was it me? Was I not good enough?
If you lead a nonprofit, raise funds, manage a board, or advocate for a mission you deeply care about, you know this feeling well. You ask. You invite. You apply. You propose. You follow up.
And sometimes the answer is no.
Over the last 30 years in this sector, I’ve learned something important:
Rejection is not the opposite of success.
It’s part of it.
Why “No” Feels So Personal in Nonprofit Work
In the nonprofit world, rejection hits differently.
When someone says no to a product, it’s business. When someone says no to your mission, your donors, your programs, your kids, your clients, your cause—it feels personal. It feels moral. Emotional. Heavy.
I once worked with a board member who said, “How could anyone say no to grieving children?” His heart was in the right place, but his pain was real. The rejection wasn’t just about money—it felt like a rejection of compassion itself.
And that’s why nonprofit leaders internalize rejection more than most professionals:
We care deeply.
We tie outcomes to human impact.
We often connect our identity to our mission.
So when a donor declines, a grant falls through, or a board prospect says no, our nervous system doesn’t interpret it as neutral information. It interprets it as danger.
But here’s the truth I want you to hold:
You can care deeply about your mission and detach from the outcome.
Those two things can exist together.
Reframing Rejection: From Judgment to Information
One of the most important mindset shifts I ever learned came from a career coach early in my life. She told me to celebrate my nos—because as long as I kept hearing no, I was still in the game.
She was right.
Every no contains information:
about timing
about fit
about clarity
about messaging
about priorities
When we detach emotionally, we can finally hear what the no is actually telling us.
When I didn’t get the conference speaking spot, I could have spiraled. Instead, I asked:
What didn’t land?
What were they truly looking for?
What can I learn?
That same week, a new opportunity emerged—a webinar collaboration that will likely reach more people than the conference ever could.
That’s how this works.
Closed doors often redirect us to better rooms.
The Trap of Wanting Something Too Much
One of the hardest lessons for leaders is this paradox:
The more tightly you cling to an outcome, the less flexible—and persuasive—you become.
I once coached an executive director who desperately wanted to purchase a building for her organization. Her board raised concerns. She addressed them… but not really. Deep down, she was attached.
So she stopped listening.
Once she truly released the outcome—once she allowed for the possibility that the building might not happen—everything changed. Real conversations emerged. Trust grew. Objections softened.
Eventually, the board approved the purchase.
Not because she pushed harder—but because she loosened her grip.
Detachment creates openness.
Openness creates trust.
Trust creates yes.
The Hidden Gift of “No”
Sometimes rejection is protection.
I can’t tell you how many leaders I’ve met who later said, “Thank God that grant didn’t come through,” or “I’m so glad we didn’t hire that person,” or “That donor would have been a nightmare.”
How something starts is often how it continues.
If a partnership begins with tension, confusion, or misalignment, it rarely improves with time.
A no can save you years of friction.
Building the Skill of Emotional Resilience
Resilience isn’t a personality trait.
It’s a practice.
One of my favorite exercises is learning the difference between judgment and observation. Judgment creates stories: They don’t value us. I’m not good enough. We failed.
Observation simply says: They declined.
When you practice seeing reality without interpretation, rejection loses its power.
It still hurts—but it no longer defines you.
And yes, I allow myself to feel disappointment. I complain. I vent. I joke about my “job rejection shoes.” I even keep a silly little “damn it” doll in my office for dramatic moments.
Then I move forward.
That’s resilience.
Not the absence of emotion—but the ability to move through it.
Your Worth Is Not Negotiable
This may be the most important truth in fundraising and leadership:
The no is about the offer.
Not the asker.
Someone declining your proposal is not a verdict on your intelligence, your leadership, your talent, or your value.
It simply means the fit wasn’t right—today.
And that distinction will save your confidence, your creativity, and your longevity in this field.
Every No Sharpens Your Yes
Rejection refines your message.
It clarifies your audience.
It improves your timing.
It strengthens your leadership.
And most importantly—it builds the emotional capacity required to lead real change.
You are not being pushed away from success.
You are being shaped for it.
Final thought
If you are hearing no, it means you are asking.
If you are asking, it means you are leading.
And if you are leading, you are exactly where you should be.
Ready to turn more “nos” into confident yeses?
If you’d like help enrolling more donors, strengthening your messaging, and building confident fundraising conversations, I offer a Yes & Less Coaching Package—a four-session framework that walks you through:
building awareness
increasing interest
creating real connection
and moving people to action
It’s designed for nonprofit leaders who want results without burnout or emotional exhaustion.
You can book a call with me through the link in the comments or reach out directly through Courageous Communication.
And if no one’s told you yet today—you’re doing meaningful work. Keep going.