The Surprising Power of Doing Nothing

There is a question I get asked constantly in fundraising:

How many times should I follow up?

Three emails?

One phone call and two emails?

Seven touches?

How long should I wait between each one?

And at what point do I stop?

We want a number because numbers feel safe. If someone tells us that donors need seven touches before they act, then we can follow the formula. If we send the right number of emails, make the right calls, use the right language and offer the right opportunity, surely the money will come out.

But donors aren't ATMs.

There isn't a magic sequence of actions that guarantees another person will say yes.

And sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do in fundraising is nothing.

Not because you don't care.

Not because you've given up.

But because you've reached the edge of your agency—and the next move belongs to someone else.

Why Fundraisers Feel Like They Always Need to Do Something

We are hardwired for action.

When something isn't happening, our instinct is movement.

Send another email.

Make another call.

Change the language.

Offer another option.

Explain it differently.

Tell a better story.

Try harder.

And taking action feels good because it gives us a sense of control.

When we're uncertain about an outcome, doing something can actually soothe our nervous system. We don't have to sit with the possibility of rejection. We don't have to acknowledge that we may not get the outcome we want.

We can tell ourselves:

"I'm still working on it. There must be something else I can do."

But here's the question I want you to ask:

Is this action serving the relationship, or is it simply relieving my discomfort?

That's a very different question from, "What should I do next?"

Because sometimes action is strategy.

And sometimes action is self-soothing.

The Problem With the "Seven Touches" Fundraising Rule

You've probably heard some version of the idea that people need seven touches before they will take action.

It gets repeated so often that it can start to sound like established fact.

But repetition isn't evidence.

I haven't been able to find the data or study that supports the idea that there is some universal number of touches that makes a person give.

And even if there were an average number somewhere, your donor isn't an average.

Some people make decisions quickly.

Other people are contemplative. They need time. They want to ask questions, read something, think about it and come back when they're ready.

Neither is wrong.

The goal isn't to find the perfect formula for making someone move.

The goal is to create the conditions that make it possible for someone to move when they're ready.

That distinction changes everything.

Donor Agency: Your Agency Ends Where Theirs Begins

This is one of the most important concepts in fundraising:

Your agency ends where the other person's agency begins.

There are many things you can control.

You can control:

• How clearly you communicate.

• How thoughtfully you make an invitation.

• How well you listen.

• Whether you follow through.

• Whether you create psychological safety.

• Whether the next step is clear.

• Whether you leave the door open.

Those are your responsibilities.

But you cannot control whether someone trusts you.

You cannot control whether they're ready.

You cannot control whether they respond.

You cannot control whether they give.

You cannot control whether they say yes.

And you certainly cannot control another person's decision without crossing the line into pressure.

That's where influence ends and pressure begins.

The More You Pressure Someone, the Less Likely They Are to Move

This may sound counterintuitive, but it is incredibly important for nonprofit fundraising.

The more decision-making power you give someone, the more likely they are to make a decision.

When people feel sovereign over their own choices, they don't have to defend themselves against you.

They don't have to escape the conversation.

They don't have to fight back.

They can actually consider what you're offering.

Think about the difference between:

"I need you to decide today."

and:

"I want you to make the best decision for your philanthropy. If that's us, wonderful. If it isn't, that's okay too."

The second approach creates space.

And space creates agency.

Think About Your Donor Journey as a Road

I love thinking about donor flow as a road.

You build the road.

You make it easy to find.

You remove unnecessary obstacles.

You add clear signs.

You make the experience welcoming.

You make sure people know where the road leads.

That's the work of donor flow:

Awareness → Interest → Connection → Action

Your job is to create the conditions for movement.

But you don't control the movement.

You pave the road.

They decide whether to walk down it.

And this is where nonprofit leaders can get themselves into trouble.

Someone doesn't respond, so we assume the road must be broken.

Maybe we need another sign.

Maybe the invitation wasn't clear.

Maybe we should call.

Maybe we should send another email.

Maybe we should offer something else.

Sometimes there really is a pothole.

Sometimes the next step is confusing.

Sometimes there is missing information that needs to be provided.

So yes, look at your donor flow.

But don't automatically assume that a lack of movement means something needs fixing.

Sometimes the road is perfectly fine.

The person simply isn't choosing to walk down it.

What Should You Ask Before You Follow Up?

Instead of asking, "How many times should I follow up?" ask:

What is this next action for?

Does it provide something useful?

Does it answer a question?

Does it fulfill an agreement?

Is there genuinely new information?

Does it deepen the relationship?

Did the person give you a reason to believe another contact would be welcome?

Or are you reaching out because you need them to respond?

That last question is particularly important.

Because if your motivation is, "I need them to respond so I know where I stand," your next email may be more about regulating your discomfort than serving the donor.

And that is something worth noticing.

Doing Nothing Is Not the Same as Giving Up

This is where I want to be very clear.

When I say do nothing, I am not talking about passivity.

I'm not talking about giving up.

I'm not talking about ghosting someone, withholding information, playing hard to get or pretending you don't care.

Doing nothing can be an active choice.

It can mean:

I've said what I needed to say.

I've made the invitation.

I've answered their questions.

I've followed through on what I promised.

I've made the road clear.

I've left the door open.

Now the next move belongs to you.

There is dignity in that—for both people.

What Does Releasing the Outcome Actually Mean?

We talk about "releasing the outcome" a lot in fundraising.

But what does it actually feel like?

It doesn't mean you're happy with the outcome.

It doesn't mean you got what you wanted.

It doesn't mean you don't care.

Acceptance simply means:

This is what is true right now.

Maybe this person isn't ready.

Maybe this donor isn't going to give.

Maybe this relationship isn't going to develop.

Maybe you've done everything you can.

And two things can be true at the same time:

"This isn't what I wanted."

and

"I'm going to be okay."

That's acceptance.

And sometimes the most freeing sentence isn't:

"There's nothing I can do."

It's:

"There's nothing more for me to do."

Those two statements feel completely different.

"There is nothing I can do" feels helpless.

"There is nothing more for me to do" feels like freedom.

You've done your part.

When Should You Actually Stop Following Up?

I'm not interested in replacing one rigid formula with another.

So I'm not going to tell you there is a universal number of follow-ups that guarantees success.

But I do have a personal guideline: I'm a three-time follow-upper.

If someone schedules a donor flow call with me and doesn't show, for example, I might reach out immediately, again the next day and once more the following week.

Then I can genuinely say:

I've done my part.

Someone else may have a completely different approach.

That's okay.

The point isn't that three is the magic number.

The point is knowing when you've fulfilled your obligation and can stop trying to manufacture movement.

Because if you've already said, "The next move is yours," you have to mean it.

Don't Confuse Contemplation With Rejection

One of the biggest mistakes we can make is assuming that someone's slower decision-making means they're not interested.

Some people are decisive.

Some people are contemplative.

A contemplative donor may need more information. They may have questions. They may want to think.

That isn't necessarily a problem.

If the conversation is still moving forward in an aligned, authentic and transparent way, there may be no reason to force the timeline.

I experienced this myself with someone who was considering working with me. We had multiple conversations. He had serious questions. I provided additional information and we talked again.

Eventually, I reached the point where I knew there was nothing more I could tell him.

So I told him I would love to work with him, but I was going to leave the decision with him.

He thanked me.

And later, he came back and said:

"I'm ready."

If I had pushed him for an answer, I may have lost him.

Instead, I gave him his agency back.

What Happens When You Leave Space?

This is the uncomfortable part.

When you stop acting, there is space.

And we're not always good at sitting in space.

If there is no email to write, no strategy to develop, no response to analyze and no next move to make, you have to tolerate not knowing what happens next.

But that space is also where the other person's agency gets to exist.

Think about it.

If you continually fill every space with your actions, when does the other person actually get the opportunity to choose?

Doing nothing isn't necessarily the absence of influence.

Sometimes the space is part of the influence.

You're giving someone room to decide.

You're giving them sovereignty.

You're allowing them to come toward you because they chose to—not because you pushed them.

Three Questions to Ask When a Donor Relationship Stalls

The next time you're tempted to send "just one more email," pause and ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I continuing to act because doing nothing feels uncomfortable?

Notice what's happening inside you.

Are you responding to something the donor actually needs, or are you trying to make yourself feel less uncertain?

2. Have I reached the edge of my agency?

What can you genuinely control here?

Have you communicated clearly, answered questions, followed through and made the next step easy?

If so, you may have reached the point where the next move belongs to them.

3. Is there truly something left for me to do?

Or are you trying to create movement that now belongs to someone else?

That question can save you from a lot of unnecessary activity.

What If Doing Nothing Feels Irresponsible?

This is especially difficult when you have a board or executive director asking:

"What are you doing to get this donor to respond?"

Doing nothing can sound like passivity.

It can sound like you don't care.

It can sound like you're not trying hard enough.

But that's not what we're talking about.

We're talking about doing everything necessary to create a clear, welcoming path—and then allowing another human being to decide whether they want to walk it.

That's not bad fundraising.

That's respect.

And frankly, I don't want to be the development person people see across a room and immediately try to avoid.

I want to be the person they feel comfortable approaching because they know I will respect their decision.

That's what honoring donor agency looks like.

Fundraising Isn't About Making People Move

Your job isn't to move people through donor flow.

Your job is to create the conditions in which people can move.

That's a profound difference.

You don't make people go through the door.

You build a door that's easy to find.

You make the invitation clear.

You answer the questions.

You remove unnecessary obstacles.

You create a relationship where people feel safe.

And then you let them choose.

Sometimes they walk through.

Sometimes they don't.

That doesn't automatically mean you built the wrong door.

It means they have agency.

And that's okay.

Final Thoughts: Sometimes the Next Move Really Isn't Yours

I know this is hard.

I know the entire fundraising world can make you feel like there must always be another strategy, another tactic, another touchpoint, another clever email.

But there isn't always something else to do.

Sometimes you've done everything necessary.

You've paved the road.

You've made the invitation.

You've followed through.

You've left the door open.

And now you have to let the other person decide.

There is nothing more for you to do.

Not because you failed.

Not because you don't care.

Because you've reached the edge of your agency.

And when you can honor that boundary, something important happens: you stop trying to force relationships and start creating the conditions for genuine ones.

That is what releasing the outcome looks like.

The road is open.

The choice is theirs.

And you can go live your life.

Ready to Create More Flow in Your Fundraising?

If you're struggling with donor follow-up, donor engagement or knowing when to step forward and when to step back, you don't have to figure it out alone.

The goal isn't to find a magic formula that makes donors give.

It's to create a donor flow that makes it easier for the right people to connect, engage and take action when they're ready.

If you want to talk about creating more flow in your fundraising—or releasing the relationships that aren't working so you can make room for the ones that do—book a call with Maryanne.

No pressure. No obligation.

Just a conversation about what's happening in your donor relationships and what might help create more flow.