Living Life Fully Expressed
What does it really mean to be fully self-expressed?
Most of us think self-expression means speaking up, saying what we think, or finally finding the courage to use our voice. But full self-expression is much bigger than that.
It's about closing the gap between who you are on the inside and how you show up on the outside.
In this episode of The Influential Nonprofit, Maryanne Dersch explores what it means to "live your voice" and turn full self-expression from a philosophy into a daily practice. As Maryanne explains, "living your voice has much less to do with talking... and much more to do with living in alignment with who you really are."
For nonprofit leaders, this matters because authentic leadership isn't just about what you say. It's reflected in the decisions you make, the boundaries you set, the relationships you nurture, and even the things you choose not to say.
What Does Full Self-Expression Really Mean?
Have you ever left a meeting and immediately told a colleague what you really wanted to say?
Or replayed a conversation later and thought, "I wish I had handled that differently"?
Maybe you didn't speak because you were worried about conflict. Maybe you wanted to be liked. Maybe you were afraid of rejection.
These are all examples of withholding your authentic voice.
Full self-expression isn't about saying everything that comes into your head. It's about intentionally choosing how you want to show up.
When you practice this consistently, Maryanne says, life becomes easier to navigate. You develop a greater tolerance for conflict, become better at advocating for yourself, and stop feeling like you're constantly being pushed around by other people's priorities.
The Hidden Cost of Holding Back Your Authentic Voice
Holding yourself back can feel like the safer choice in the moment.
You avoid an uncomfortable conversation.
You say yes when you want to say no.
You don't ask for what you want because you're afraid of rejection.
You stay quiet because you don't want someone to be upset with you.
But repeatedly suppressing your truth creates a growing gap between your internal experience and your external life.
That gap can lead to frustration, resentment, exhaustion, and a feeling that you're constantly fighting yourself.
For nonprofit leaders, this can show up in particularly damaging ways. You might allow a board member to constantly interrupt your work, take on responsibilities that aren't yours, or continue participating in situations that don't align with your skills or values.
Your ability to lead effectively begins with your ability to recognize what is and isn't aligned for you.
Self-Expression Is More Than Speaking
Your voice isn't expressed only through words.
Every day, you're communicating through your decisions and behavior.
Your choices tell people what matters to you. Your boundaries communicate what you're available for. Your creativity gives form to what's inside you. Your presence communicates your energy and your ability to create safety.
Even what you tolerate is a form of self-expression.
As Maryanne puts it, "Sometimes the most powerful self-expression isn't speaking a truth. It's refusing to continue betraying one."
That is a powerful distinction.
Sometimes your most authentic response isn't a speech.
It's a decision.
Your Choices Are a Form of Self-Expression
Every opportunity you accept or decline communicates something.
So does every relationship you invest in.
So does where you spend your time.
This means self-expression isn't simply about how you show up. It's also about where you show up.
If your calendar is constantly filled with commitments that don't reflect your priorities, your calendar is telling a story about your life that may not match what you say matters to you.
Authentic leadership requires examining those choices.
Boundaries and Agreements Help You Express What You Need
Boundaries are one of the clearest forms of self-expression because they communicate what you're available for and what you're no longer willing to accept.
But Maryanne also emphasizes the importance of agreements.
A boundary might be, "I don't want to be interrupted all day."
An agreement turns that into a solution: "Could we have open office time between one and two every day so people know when they can come to me?"
The difference is subtle but powerful.
Instead of focusing only on what you don't want, you're expressing what you do want.
That creates clarity for everyone involved.
Creativity Is Another Way to Live Your Voice
Self-expression also happens through creativity.
And creativity isn't limited to painting, writing, or making art.
It can be cooking dinner, raising children, building a business, decorating your home, gardening, or finding a creative solution to a problem.
Anything inside you that you bring into the world is an expression of you.
For Maryanne, cooking became an unexpected form of creative expression once she realized she didn't always have to follow a recipe. She could understand the fundamentals and then make something her own.
That's the beauty of creativity.
There isn't always one right way to express what's inside you.
Your Presence Speaks Before You Do
You've probably heard Maryanne say:
"Energy speaks louder than words."
People experience you before they process what you're saying.
Your attention matters.
Your listening matters.
Your body language matters.
The way you enter a room matters.
The way you show up in a board meeting or on a Zoom call communicates something before you ever open your mouth.
People may forget your exact words, but they often remember how you made them feel.
That's why cultivating your presence is such an important part of authentic leadership.
You Don't Have to Answer Every Question
One of the most practical lessons from this episode is also one of the most liberating:
You don't have to respond to everything.
When someone makes a comment or asks a question, we often assume we're required to answer.
We're not.
Instead of immediately defending yourself, solving the problem, or giving your opinion, you can get curious.
Try asking:
"Help me understand what you mean."
"Tell me more about that."
"What makes you say that?"
"What's most important to you about this?"
Curiosity creates space.
It helps the other person feel seen and heard, while also giving you a moment to regulate yourself before responding.
And sometimes, after you've listened, you realize you don't need to offer an opinion at all.
7 Practices for Living a Fully Self-Expressed Life
Full self-expression isn't something you achieve once.
It's a practice.
Maryanne's framework provides seven practical steps for becoming more intentional about how you communicate, lead, and navigate relationships:
Notice where you're withholding. Pay attention to moments when you wanted to speak, act, or ask for something but didn't.
Ground yourself before responding. Create space between the trigger and your response so you're responding rather than reacting.
Check the timing. Not every truth needs to be expressed immediately. Sometimes wisdom is knowing when to wait.
Seek to understand first. Use curiosity to understand another person's perspective before trying to make your own point.
Express what's true for you. Speak clearly, kindly, and courageously without trying to convince or control someone else.
Practice sovereignty. Remember that you don't have to explain every decision, respond to every comment, or convince everyone to agree with you.
Live in alignment. Make full self-expression a daily practice so your choices and actions increasingly reflect who you truly are.
As Maryanne says, the goal is to "close the gap between who you are on the inside and how you show up on the outside."
Why Curiosity Is More Powerful Than Having the Right Answer
Influence doesn't begin with convincing people.
It begins with understanding them.
When someone feels seen and heard, they're much more likely to listen to you.
This is especially important for nonprofit leaders navigating board relationships, staff conversations, donor relationships, and difficult organizational decisions.
Instead of immediately trying to persuade someone, get curious.
What are they really asking?
What's important to them?
What are they afraid of?
What do they need?
Connection comes before communication.
And trust creates the space for meaningful communication to happen.
Authentic Leadership Requires Sovereignty
Sovereignty means recognizing that you have authority over your own choices.
You don't need permission to decide what works for you.
You don't have to justify every decision.
You don't have to respond to every criticism.
You don't have to convince everyone.
This doesn't mean ignoring people.
It means becoming intentional about where you place your energy and attention.
The more comfortable you become with that, the more confident and influential you become.
Change Your Perspective, Change Your Experience
Sometimes you don't need a new answer.
You need a new perspective.
Maryanne uses the experience of looking at the world from the top of the Gateway Arch as an illustration. Problems that feel enormous from the ground can look very different when viewed from above.
The same thing happens when you practice full self-expression.
You become less reactive.
You begin observing instead of absorbing everything around you.
Other people's emotions don't automatically become your emotions.
Other people's priorities don't automatically become your priorities.
You can remain engaged without allowing everything to live inside your nervous system.
That is a powerful form of leadership.
Ask Yourself: What Would the Fully Expressed Version of Me Choose?
If you want to start practicing full self-expression today, begin with reflection.
Ask yourself:
Where am I holding back?
What truth wants to be expressed?
Where do I need more courage?
Where do I need more curiosity?
When am I speaking when I should be listening?
Where am I reacting when I could pause?
And perhaps the most powerful question of all:
What would the fully expressed version of me choose next?
That question moves you out of reaction and into intention.
Learn How to Lead With Your Authentic Voice
Living your voice isn't about talking more, talking louder, or making sure everyone agrees with you.
It's about intentionally choosing how you show up.
Sometimes that means speaking.
Sometimes it means asking a better question.
Sometimes it means setting a boundary.
And sometimes it means saying nothing at all.
Full self-expression is about creating alignment between who you are and how you live, and that alignment can transform the way you lead, communicate, build relationships, and influence others.
Ready to become a more fully self-expressed leader?
Book a conversation with Maryanne to explore how you can strengthen your authentic voice, navigate difficult conversations, and lead with greater confidence, clarity, and influence.