Empathy Is Your Superpower: How Validation Transforms Donor and Team Relationships
If you’ve ever left a board meeting thinking, “Why didn’t anyone speak up in the room—but then they shared all their opinions in the hallway?” Or if you’ve been ghosted by a donor after a seemingly great meeting, I can tell you this: the missing ingredient is likely validation.
Empathy is your superpower. But like any superpower, it needs practice to reach its full potential. Validation is how we turn empathy from a feeling into an action. And when you learn to validate effectively—whether it’s with your team, your donors, your board, or even your family—you build relationships that are rooted in safety, trust, and openness.
Let me walk you through how this works.
Why Empathy Matters (More Than Ever)
Empathy isn’t about agreeing with someone. It’s about understanding and acknowledging what they feel—even if you don’t share the same view.
When someone feels seen, heard, and understood, they relax. They become more open to feedback, collaboration, and yes—donations. They’re more willing to join your cause or align with your vision.
“If you want someone to see it your way, the best thing you can do is see it their way first.”
In nonprofit work, we’re wired to help. But we’re also wired to fix, to control, and to persuade. That’s not empathy. That’s resistance in disguise.
Empathy, when expressed through validation, turns your conversations into superhighways of trust.
What Validation Is (And What It’s Not)
Validation is the practice of affirming someone’s internal experience. It sounds like:
“That makes sense.”
“I can see why you feel that way.”
“Thank you for sharing that with me.”
“It sounds like that really mattered to you.”
It is not:
Agreeing just to smooth things over
Trying to fix their emotions
Offering advice before they ask
Saying “At least…” or “You shouldn’t feel that way”
Validation means being present, not perfect. Your words don’t have to be magical—just honest.
The 4-Step Validation Framework
Here’s my go-to method for using validation in conversations:
1. Listen Without Interrupting
Fully. Quietly. No fixing. No “yeah, but…” Let them speak. Let them finish.
Try this: “Tell me more about that.” or “Help me understand what you’re feeling.”
2. Reflect What You Heard
Repeat back what they said—not word for word, but the heart of it.
“What I’m hearing is that you felt really overwhelmed by that deadline.”
“It sounds like you felt invisible in that moment.”
3. Affirm Their Experience
You don’t have to agree. You don’t have to like it. Just affirm it.
“That makes total sense.”
“I can see how that would be really frustrating.”
“That must have been really hard for you.”
4. Offer Wisdom (Optional, and With Permission)
Only if it’s invited. And always ask first.
“Would it be okay if I shared something that worked for me in a similar situation?”
This framework isn’t just theory. I use it every day in my Influence Activator calls and coaching sessions. And it works—because people want to be seen more than they want to be sold to.
How This Plays Out with Staff
Let’s say a team member tells you, “I’m completely swamped. I feel like no one sees how much I’m juggling.”
The default response might be, “We’re all busy” or “You’re doing great—just hang in there.”
Instead, try this:
“That sounds exhausting. I can see how much you’re carrying, and it’s a lot. Thank you for being so committed. Let’s talk about how we can support you better.”
See the difference? One minimizes. The other validates and invites dialogue.
How to Use Validation with Donors
Here are some common donor scenarios—and how validation can transform them:
Donor Concern: “I’m not sure my donation made an impact.”
Validate:
“Thank you for being honest. It makes total sense to want to see the difference you’re making. Would it be okay if I walked you through how your gift has helped?”
Donor Hesitation: “We’ve had some financial changes and need to step back.”
Validate:
“I really appreciate your honesty. That makes total sense. We’re so grateful for your support in any form.”
Donor Frustration: “I didn’t get the experience I was promised.”
Validate:
“That must have been really frustrating. I’d feel that way too. Help me understand more about what happened so we can make it right.”
When Not to Use Validation
There are rare situations where empathy isn’t the right tool—especially when dealing with threats, abuse, or serious boundary-crossing. In those moments, clear boundaries come first.
But 95% of the time, validation is your go-to tool for defusing conflict, building trust, and opening hearts.
The Real Magic of Validation: People Relax
When someone feels heard, they don’t need to fight to be heard anymore.
They stop defending. They start listening.
That’s why validation is so powerful—it’s the emotional release valve that clears the air and opens the door to meaningful dialogue.
Final Thoughts: This Is a Muscle, Not a Miracle
Validation isn’t a magic phrase—it’s a practice. It’s a muscle you build by being present, by noticing your own reactions, and by choosing to create space instead of filling it.
It’s not always easy. Sometimes your brain will scream, “Say something!” But your heart will whisper, “Just listen.”
And when you do—your conversations, your relationships, and your impact will never be the same.
Ready to Build Real Influence?
If you want to become a master of validation, empathy, and authentic leadership, let’s talk.
👉 Book a free Influence Activator Call with me
Let’s practice together—and make your nonprofit leadership smoother, stronger, and more magnetic than ever.