Who’s Driving the Bus? Understanding Your Inner Voices in Fundraising
As nonprofit leaders, many of us know the feeling of sitting down to make an ask, send a donor email, or step into a big meeting — only to feel paralyzed. One minute, we’re confident: “Yes, I’ve got this. I’m going to ask for the gift.” The next, doubt creeps in: “What if they say no? What if I sound pushy? Maybe I’ll just wait.”
Sound familiar? Those are the voices in your head — not imaginary voices, but the different parts of you that show up in moments of pressure. Some are bold, some are cautious, and some just want to hide under the desk.
The truth is: fundraising is an inside-out game. No matter what words you use, people can feel the energy you’re bringing. If you’re anxious or fearful, that energy speaks louder than your carefully crafted pitch.
So, how do you manage those voices? Let’s explore.
Meet Your Subpersonalities
Psychologists call them “subpersonalities.” I like to think of them as the different passengers on your internal bus. Each one wants to help you survive, succeed, or be loved. But when they wrestle for the driver’s seat, you feel conflicted, stuck, or burnt out.
Here are a few common ones that might sound familiar:
The Pleaser: Wants to be liked at all costs, avoids conflict, and overpromises.
The Inner Critic: Constantly whispers, “Not good enough. Try again.”
The Hustler: Measures worth by productivity and never rests.
The Martyr: Believes suffering equals commitment.
The Avoider: Disappears at the first sign of discomfort.
The Perfectionist: Holds back until things are “just right.”
The Performer: Puts on a mask of charm and competence, hiding cracks.
The Rebel: Refuses authority or rules — “I’ll do it my way.”
The Diplomat: Smooths everything over, avoids honest conversations.
The Child: Feels small, scared, and overwhelmed by big responsibilities.
The Fixer: Jumps in to solve everyone’s problems.
The Strategist: Wants more data before taking a step.
Here’s the key: none of these parts are bad. They’re all valid, useful, and even lovable. But they don’t all get to drive the bus.
Choosing Who Drives
Your energy in fundraising changes when you consciously decide who gets to lead. The idea isn’t to silence or eliminate your subpersonalities — it’s to acknowledge them and invite your aligned self (your grounded, wise, compassionate self) to drive.
Here’s a simple process:
Notice the trigger. Pay attention when you start avoiding, overanalyzing, or stalling.
Name the part. Is it the critic? The child? The hustler? Just naming it gives you perspective.
Get curious, not critical. Ask: What are you afraid of? What do you want for me?
Invite your aligned self. Imagine your most grounded, confident version of you stepping into the driver’s seat.
Prepare before performance. Before a donor meeting or big ask, ask yourself: Which parts might show up, and what do they need to feel safe?
When you do this, you’re no longer sabotaged by fear. Instead, you’re fundraising with your whole self in alignment.
Why This Matters
When your inner team is scattered, your presence feels off — even if your words are perfect. But when your parts are working together and your aligned self is leading, you show up with authenticity, confidence, and clarity.
Fundraising becomes easier. It feels more natural. And donors can feel the difference.
Final Thought
Fundraising isn’t just about what you do — it’s about who is doing it. You are not broken. You don’t need to “fix” yourself. You simply need to notice, honor, and align the voices inside so you can bring your full, powerful self into every conversation.
So, the next time you sit down to make an ask, pause and ask:
Who’s driving the bus right now?
What would it feel like to let my aligned self take the wheel?
That small shift can change everything.
If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear your experience. Try this exercise with your fundraising team or even your board and notice what comes up.
And if you’d like support aligning your energy so fundraising feels more natural and less exhausting, reach out to me at maryanne@courageouscommunication.com. Let’s make fundraising easier, more authentic, and more effective — together.