How To Make Rejection Work For You

Let’s be honest: rejection stings. Whether it's a donor who ghosts you, a prospect who backs out, or a board member who just won’t engage, it can feel personal. But the truth is, rejection is not failure—it’s feedback, and it’s part of the natural rhythm of building relationships. The faster we embrace that, the more powerful and free we become as nonprofit leaders.

In this episode of The Influential Nonprofit, I dig into one of the biggest mindset shifts I teach my clients: how to navigate rejection without losing momentum, confidence, or clarity.

Because when you reframe rejection, you reclaim your power.

The Real Problem: We’re Too Attached to the Outcome

So many of us lead with control. We pitch, we persuade, we push. Why? Because we’re terrified of a “no.” But here’s the kicker: the more attached you are to the outcome, the less likely you are to get it.

People sense when you’re desperate. That energy creates pressure and resistance. What we want instead is to lead with openness—curiosity, authenticity, and permission.

“Whatever you decide is totally okay.”
Say that early and often. It changes everything.

When people feel safe to say no, they’re far more likely to say yes.

From Pitching to Connecting: The Philanthropic Heart Model

We don’t need more scripts. We need more heart.

That’s why I teach the Philanthropic Heart Model, a framework that helps you build long-term, loyal support through alignment—not pressure.

Here’s what it’s built on:

1. Lived Experience

People care about causes that reflect who they are. Your job isn’t to convince someone to care—it’s to find the people who already do. When you align your messaging to reflect shared values, you build genuine resonance.

Stop trying to change hearts. Start connecting to the ones already open.

2. Mutual Value

Relationships aren’t transactions. A truly sustainable donor relationship benefits both parties. When your ask meets their desire to create impact, you’ve got a match.

3. Power of Choice

Every step of the relationship should include consent. When you invite rather than pressure, people show up more fully—and stay longer.

Rejection as Redirection: Why “No” Can Be a Gift

Let’s reframe rejection:

  • “Not right now” = Timing issue

  • “I need to think about it” = Unclear value

  • “This isn’t a fit” = Thank you for saving us both time

And sometimes rejection is just what it is—and that’s okay. It’s not about you. It’s about alignment. Just like not every outfit is the right fit, not every donor is either.

When you give people permission to say no, they stop stringing you along.

How to Reduce Resistance and Increase Results

Ready for some practical steps? Here are a few techniques I use and teach in my Uplevel Your Influence program:

1. Give permission to say no

At the start of every ask or conversation:

“Whatever you decide is okay. I want you to make the best decision for you.”

This instantly drops resistance and invites honesty.

2. Book the meeting in the meeting

If someone says they need to think about it, respond with:

“That’s great. Why don’t we book a time next week to check in and see where you’re at in your decision-making process?”

This moves the deal forward and stops the follow-up runaround.

3. Don’t chase ghosts

My personal rule? I follow up three times. After that, I release. I send one final message saying:

“Totally understand if now’s not the right time. I’ll pause for now, and I’m here whenever you’re ready.”

This respects their time—and yours.

Rejection Recovery: How to Bounce Back Faster

Here’s what I recommend when the “no” lands hard:

  • Feel it. Don’t stuff it.
    Acknowledge the sting, but don’t stay stuck.

  • Practice self-compassion.
    Job rejection shoes? Yes, I’ve bought them. Find your version of recovery.

  • Keep moving.
    Action beats rumination. The faster you start a new relationship, the less the last rejection matters.

  • Lean on your community.
    Surround yourself with mentors, coaches, and fellow fundraisers who get it. We all need support.

Final Word: Influence Is Service, Not Persuasion

You can’t be nervous when you’re in service.

That’s something a mentor once told me before a big presentation, and I’ve never forgotten it. When you shift from “I need this gift” to “I’m here to be of service,” your energy transforms. You become magnetic, not manipulative. Grounded, not grasping.

And in that space, rejection becomes not something to fear—but something to expect, navigate, and even appreciate.

Because the right people are out there. And when you stop chasing and start connecting, they find you.

Ready to Uplevel Your Influence?

If you’re ready to stop pushing and start attracting long-term, loyal supporters—let’s talk. I’ll help you master the art of influence so you can make bold asks, create meaningful relationships, and raise more money with ease and confidence.

👉 Book a free Influence Activator Call with me and let’s find your next yes—together.

Maryanne Dersch