Crafting Donor Relationships That Actually Matter: Authenticity, Emotion and the Power of Real Connection
If there is one theme that keeps emerging in every conversation with nonprofit leaders, it’s this: we are craving authenticity. Real voices, real stories, real connection. And when it comes to raising money—and raising people’s belief in what’s possible—authenticity isn’t a nice-to-have. It’s the oxygen.
Recently, I sat down with John Lepp, Partner and Creative Director at Agents of Good, longtime direct-response strategist, and one of the most values-driven creators working in fundraising today. John has spent more than 25 years helping organizations build donor relationships that are rooted in humanity instead of polish. As he put it during our conversation,
“We’ve wrapped fundraising in too much professional bubble wrap.”
And he’s right.
Somewhere along the way, nonprofits started confusing “professional” with “emotionless.” Communications became overly branded, overly approved, and overly scrubbed clean. But donors don’t want glossy perfection. They want truth, connection, and the sense that they matter beyond their credit card number.
This article is a love letter to that shift—to building long-term donor relationships that are rooted in empathy, vulnerability and genuine human connection.
Why Authenticity Still Matters More Than Anything
Every organization wants better fundraising results. Some want it so badly that they go searching for a magic phrase or perfect tagline that will unlock donor dollars.
But here’s the truth I teach every client:
You can’t make someone care. All you can do is connect with the people who already do.
Authenticity is the bridge between you and the people who are wired to resonate with your mission.
Donors don’t respond to branding guidelines. They respond to meaning. They respond to feeling seen. They respond to stories that show them how their giving changes something real.
When leaders try to speak only in polished, carefully approved language, something important gets lost: humanity.
John shared that he often sees executives decline heartfelt messaging because they don’t want to look “unprofessional.” But real people don’t build trust through perfection—they build it through honesty.
The moment we stop being polished at the expense of being human, everything changes.
The Emotional Equation: Why Feelings Drive Funding
For decades, nonprofits have treated fundraising like a transaction:
We tell the story, you give the money, thank you very much.
But humans don’t work that way.
Emotion, not facts, drives generosity.
John reminded me that donors write back the most heartfelt letters when appeals come from an unexpected, vulnerable voice—sometimes even a character like “H’bert the Heart,” a campaign device he used for a hospital foundation. Why? Because it felt safe, warm, and deeply human.
People wrote their own stories back to a paper heart because they felt emotionally invited to do so.
That’s the power of emotional fundraising.
It opens the door for donors to share themselves—not just their resources.
When emotions lead, alignment follows. And when alignment follows, giving becomes a natural expression of shared values, not persuasion.
Why Direct Mail Still Works (When Done Right)
Digital is noisy. Everyone is shouting. Email inboxes are jammed. Social feeds move at lightning speed.
But direct mail? It is the quiet porch light on a dark night—a place where someone sits down with tea and takes a moment to actually feel something.
John calls it an opportunity for contemplation.
I call it the last sacred space for emotional storytelling.
Direct mail works when:
It feels personal
It reads like a conversation, not a brochure
The ask is clear, specific, and meaningful
The energy is urgent yet heartfelt
The follow-up is thoughtful and relational
But—and this is a big BUT—most nonprofits sabotage their own mailings by sending them to everyone instead of focusing on the donors who are already leaning in.
Huge lists look impressive on paper, but engagement lives in the small, intentional pockets of donors who actually care.
As I often remind my clients:
Fantasy relationships drain your momentum. Real relationships build your mission.
The Courage to Cut Through the Noise
Let’s address one of the biggest killers of effective communication:
approval by committee.
When 17 people need to approve one letter, what happens?
All the magic gets stripped out.
The emotion gets softened.
The urgency gets flattened.
The personality gets removed.
The humanity gets “fixed.”
By the time the letter goes out the door, it’s technically correct and emotionally lifeless.
John said it plainly:
“You’re not the donor. Your boss isn’t the donor. The letter is not written for you.”
We must trust our marketing and development teams—especially the people who read, learn, test, and understand the behavior of donors better than anyone else inside the building.
Trust is a leadership skill. And without it, organizations stay stuck in sameness.
Let Your Donors In
Strong donor relationships don’t come from fancy tactics. They come from the same ingredients that build strong human relationships:
Vulnerability
Consistency
Truth
Emotion
Respect
Presence
Listening
This is why the most influential organizations aren’t the ones with the most perfect messages—they’re the ones with the most real messages.
Where donors feel like part of a story, not a funding mechanism.
Where emotion is not a liability but a leadership strategy.
Where relationships are valued more than short-term results.
John said something during our conversation that has stayed with me:
“Please don’t stop. Your energy, your care, your love—none of it is wasted.”
Nonprofit communicators are often the heart of the organization, quietly carrying emotional labor that goes unseen.
So if you are that person, let me echo his message:
I see you.
Your passion matters.
Your vulnerability is a superpower.
And your voice is needed now more than ever.
What Really Builds Donor Loyalty
If I had to distill this entire conversation into one principle, it would be this:
Relationship first. The money always follows.
Fundraising isn’t sales. It’s connection.
Connection is built on trust.
Trust is built on authenticity.
Authenticity is built on energy.
This is why I teach—and deeply believe—that your energy creates your thoughts, your thoughts create your words, and your words create your reality.
When we shift the energy behind our donor communication from fear (What if they don’t give?) to connection (I’m here to build something meaningful with you), everything becomes easier.
Donors feel it.
Teams feel it.
Leaders feel it.
And the mission expands because generosity expands.
If You Are Ready to Build Donor Relationships That Last
You deserve communication that reflects the real heart of your organization—clear, emotional, grounded, and aligned.
If you want help:
✅ learning how to influence without feeling pitchy
✅ rewriting your donor messaging so it inspires action
✅ building meaningful, long-term donor relationships
✅ stepping into the energy of confidence instead of fear
I’d love to support you.
All my links are in the show notes.
Or visit https://www.courageouscommunication.com/connect to start your next level of influence.
And if no one has told you yet today:
You’re doing amazing work. Keep going.